In Defense of the Relationship.

Lately, I have found myself reading many articles and blog posts that include extensive thought processes and definitions of what it means to be single in today's society. Many of these pieces include lists of why it is okay to be single and that being single will lead to one or many of the following outcomes: independence, self-awareness of needs and wants and the ability to not blame others for your mistakes. These articles are very inspiring and true, but also portray being in a relationship as the destination your independence and self-worth go to die. While I completely agree that being single is a great time to bare yourself to yourself and learn personal ins and outs, I do not agree that being in a relationship prohibits someone from feeling the same things.

For a very long time, I thought there was nothing better than being single. In fact, I refused to imagine myself being with anyone ever again. When my girlfriends brought up their idea of the perfect guy or what their future wedding would be like, I would simply roll my eyes, say that "my man only needed to have a beard and like beer" and "I was never ever going to get married."  This was not due to any horrible ex-boyfriends or  daddy issues, it was because I loved being single. Being single means complete freedom emotionally, mentally and physically. It means having absolutely no distractions or limits. I had the independence, the self-awareness of personal needs and wants, and the ability to take the weight of my mistakes - but never as much as I have had within the past year while being in a relationship.

                                         

If someone had asked me to define myself on a piece of paper a year ago, it would have been a bunch of bullet points of ideas that I would hope to become but maybe I was not actually there yet. Today, those bullet points would still be a ramble of things, of aspirations, thoughts and definitions not hopes and guesses. I would also be able to name some of my flaws such as the tendency to be a ball of anxiety and self-doubt. These two powerful emotions can lead to poor consequences especially in a personal and professional life. Recently, I have learned to be patient and think things through before jumping to conclusions; adjust my negative thoughts to positive thoughts and realize there is a lot less to doubt about me than I thought.

In the past nine months, I have done more for myself than I ever did in my life. I have graduated college with a bachelor's degree, landed my first job and moved to my own apartment in New York City. I have finally put money into my empty and two-year-old bank account, "Wanderlust." I have learned to smile in the mirror and tell myself I look really good today and may even look better tomorrow (and fill the parenthesis with this rather than "probably not though.) I even write in my old journal that I adored in high school.

What I am getting at is that the feelings these articles and blog posts talk about do not come from being single or being in a relationship - they come from you. It is your duty to have independence, self-awareness of personal needs and wants and responsibility, but only if you let yourself. Simply put, do you. Always.